"Great evil does not require great words to be vanquished, rather it requires everyday people doing regular acts of love and kindness." So said Gandalf, one of the greatest wizards ever to grace the silver screen. Which got me thinking, in both The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings, mountains are a nearly insurmountable destination, hobbits as heroes, sunlight as the harbringer of good, and a ring that corrupts whoever uses it to remain invisible.
For those of you who are ardent J.R.R. Tolkien fans or literature scholars, I'm sure these symbols came as no surprise to you. In Peter Jackson and Guillermo Del Toro's "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey" the symbolism comes particularly fast and furious.
But as I left the midnight screening (why yes, I am a nerd and will make no apologies for it) of The Hobbit, it made me think about the symbolism in my own life. After two years travelling as a consultant for my fraternity, and going on my final semester of graduate school, surely there were lessons that I could reflect upon and apply right?
There are, and in hindsight, they were both simple but fundamental to who I want to be as a person that I kick myself for not internalizing them earlier.
1) Inaction Corrupts - Like the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, it is very tempting to want to withdraw, hide from the world, and live life observing from the shadows. Like Gollum, I was very content to live fixated on the immediate (such as my video games and other electronics) rather than embrace hard choices and difficulties. At its height, my fears became so bad that I would literally avoid checking email, voice mail, or even leaving the house for fear of being required to do something. Maybe this is why bystander intervention training resonates so deeply with me. I understand the temptations and initial gains of avoidance. At the end of the day, whether we are talking personally, professionally, or systematically, inaction only leads to more problems than the initial impulse to hide.
I will admit, life has been (relatively) difficult of late, but that is no excuse to be mean, withdraw, or otherwise run from making the most of my time.
2) Active agency and control is important to me - When I say control, I don't mean micro-managing but rather influence, engagement, and self-authorship.
It is why I like driving so much. Why I would rather give up a week of my time to drive across country to see family rather than board a plane and be where I would like to be within hours.
It made me reflect more specifically about what made me happiest when I was a travelling consultant. Specifically, many people wondered how I could stand the long distances between chapters. I realized that like Tolkien's mountains, the road became a symbol of my own agency.
I always had a starting point and there was always a required ending point, but how I got there was up to me. It was my foot on the pedal, my music on the radio, my hands on the wheel. But most importantly, there were no expectations while I was on the road. I could just as easily be dressed in a suit as gym shorts and a ratty t-shirt. I could be singing (terribly) to bad pop music or jumping from point to point thinking about a presentation I had to give.
Most importantly, I could be present and embrace the small quirks. I might not be changing the world driving around (in fact, you could argue I am just contributing to climate change, but that is an ethical question for another time), but I could work on changing myself.
And if we can't help ourselves, then we cannot help others.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Mental Illness and Student Affairs Practice
I apologize for the long hiatus from from writing. Graduate school has been nothing if not busy.
But that is not an excuse. As I was reflecting on the many people that I was thankful for this thanksgiving, I found myself particularly inspired fellow road warrior (and now student affairs colleague at Texas A&M Commerce) Kyle Hickman who wrote in his blog that student affairs professionals need to be authentic and honest with themselves and their students. He mad a great many points but most specifically, he urged his readers to embrace who they were for all of the benefits that would entail and all of the challenges that would present.
It was a very different message than I recieved when I sat in on a faculty hiring panel where one of the candidates stated unequivically that "student affairs was not a profession for fixing broken professionals."
Though the candidate did not go further about what he thought a broken professional looks like, but let me hazard a guess as to what society may mean when we say people are "broken" in some way.
If you have a persistent mental illness then you should not or cannot maintain a position working with college students. Or career tracks in general. Unless you are some sort of "sympathy" hire.
I disagree. I disagree vehemently.
According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, mental illness is a persistent issue in higher education, ESPECIALLY for the students we work with. In a national survey conducted, NAMI found that:
And that is from students self reporting. How many students wouldn't admit that they would harm themselves?
If we are to be the authentic professionals that Kyle argues helps promote excellence in student affairs, then we have to shed the fear about mental illness, both for our students sake and our own.
Is it any wonder that student affairs professionals have such a high turnover rate? I mean, the long hours and the low pay probably do not help, but that is for another conversation for another day haha.
More specifically, we have to learn to embrace our own challenges and not see ourselves as "broken" student affairs professionals.
I have come to embrace the personal story methodology of teaching. So let me tell you mine.
I have suffered depression since I was in fourth grade. For whatever reason, blue skies depressed me and large groups scared me. There was little rhyme or reason why some days I could feel on top of the world and others I could barely get out of bed. There did not seem to be a rhyme or a reason for the shifts in my mood. I could only do my best to grin, get through the day, and get back to the residence halls again. When I tried to talk with others about it, they became more frustrated then I, especially because for all intents and purposes, I had very little I should have been depressed about.
I was one of those 10% of college students reported in the NCHA survey. I took a semester off at the urging of my fraternity and mentors at college.
After coming to accept these highs and lows, I came to embrace a regime of medication, talk therapy, (relatively) healthy eating, and excersize. Though I may never be able to fully explain why I feel the way I do some days, I can manage the consequences of something that I still do not really understand. Much like a student with diabetes may take insulin to regulate their body's sugar levels, these are the steps that I try to take to keep me fully engaged and enthusiastic about what I do.
I am also inspired and learn a lot from the students I work with. Whether it is past trauma, a chemical imbalance, or the challenges of adapting to new found freedom, students' own work teaches me just as much as the research ever has. For all of the work that we do in sexual assault and dating violence prevention, for all of the negative stories that come through in the official campus messaging, it is the survivors who continue to be engaged and the bystanders who refuse to be silent that give me hope.
Does that make me a bad student affairs professional? I would hope not. Just as I would hope that my own life story can help the students I work with move their own journey facing mental illness.
If we continue to stigmatize mental illness of any variety as some sort of false diagnoses of the "prozac generation" or as a top down response to litigation, then neither students nor professionals will truly be able to, stealing the Army's former catch phrase, be the best that they can be.
If we believe that we have to work with the complete student, then addressing mental illness in an authentic way as a professional and with our students is important from a personal, professional, and policy point of view.
There is no need for good people to abandon good pursuits. This Thanksgiving as I think about what I am thankful for, I know that the people and places that are part of my support network rank high among my VERY long list. I am also thankful for a field that does not have right or wrong answers but instead embraces an intentional model of development that allows for a process of improvement influenced by a wide variety of experiences. Including our own journey of dealing with mental illness in our own lives.
In the end, I am thankful for being able to work to be the best person I can be and I hope that others can feel the same without fear of stigma or isolation.
But that is not an excuse. As I was reflecting on the many people that I was thankful for this thanksgiving, I found myself particularly inspired fellow road warrior (and now student affairs colleague at Texas A&M Commerce) Kyle Hickman who wrote in his blog that student affairs professionals need to be authentic and honest with themselves and their students. He mad a great many points but most specifically, he urged his readers to embrace who they were for all of the benefits that would entail and all of the challenges that would present.
It was a very different message than I recieved when I sat in on a faculty hiring panel where one of the candidates stated unequivically that "student affairs was not a profession for fixing broken professionals."
Though the candidate did not go further about what he thought a broken professional looks like, but let me hazard a guess as to what society may mean when we say people are "broken" in some way.
If you have a persistent mental illness then you should not or cannot maintain a position working with college students. Or career tracks in general. Unless you are some sort of "sympathy" hire.
I disagree. I disagree vehemently.
According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, mental illness is a persistent issue in higher education, ESPECIALLY for the students we work with. In a national survey conducted, NAMI found that:
- One in three students have experienced prolonged periods of depression.
- One in seven reported difficulty functioning in school as a result of a DIAGNOSED mental illness.
And that is from students self reporting. How many students wouldn't admit that they would harm themselves?
If we are to be the authentic professionals that Kyle argues helps promote excellence in student affairs, then we have to shed the fear about mental illness, both for our students sake and our own.
Is it any wonder that student affairs professionals have such a high turnover rate? I mean, the long hours and the low pay probably do not help, but that is for another conversation for another day haha.
More specifically, we have to learn to embrace our own challenges and not see ourselves as "broken" student affairs professionals.
I have come to embrace the personal story methodology of teaching. So let me tell you mine.
I have suffered depression since I was in fourth grade. For whatever reason, blue skies depressed me and large groups scared me. There was little rhyme or reason why some days I could feel on top of the world and others I could barely get out of bed. There did not seem to be a rhyme or a reason for the shifts in my mood. I could only do my best to grin, get through the day, and get back to the residence halls again. When I tried to talk with others about it, they became more frustrated then I, especially because for all intents and purposes, I had very little I should have been depressed about.
I was one of those 10% of college students reported in the NCHA survey. I took a semester off at the urging of my fraternity and mentors at college.
After coming to accept these highs and lows, I came to embrace a regime of medication, talk therapy, (relatively) healthy eating, and excersize. Though I may never be able to fully explain why I feel the way I do some days, I can manage the consequences of something that I still do not really understand. Much like a student with diabetes may take insulin to regulate their body's sugar levels, these are the steps that I try to take to keep me fully engaged and enthusiastic about what I do.
I am also inspired and learn a lot from the students I work with. Whether it is past trauma, a chemical imbalance, or the challenges of adapting to new found freedom, students' own work teaches me just as much as the research ever has. For all of the work that we do in sexual assault and dating violence prevention, for all of the negative stories that come through in the official campus messaging, it is the survivors who continue to be engaged and the bystanders who refuse to be silent that give me hope.
Does that make me a bad student affairs professional? I would hope not. Just as I would hope that my own life story can help the students I work with move their own journey facing mental illness.
If we continue to stigmatize mental illness of any variety as some sort of false diagnoses of the "prozac generation" or as a top down response to litigation, then neither students nor professionals will truly be able to, stealing the Army's former catch phrase, be the best that they can be.
If we believe that we have to work with the complete student, then addressing mental illness in an authentic way as a professional and with our students is important from a personal, professional, and policy point of view.
There is no need for good people to abandon good pursuits. This Thanksgiving as I think about what I am thankful for, I know that the people and places that are part of my support network rank high among my VERY long list. I am also thankful for a field that does not have right or wrong answers but instead embraces an intentional model of development that allows for a process of improvement influenced by a wide variety of experiences. Including our own journey of dealing with mental illness in our own lives.
In the end, I am thankful for being able to work to be the best person I can be and I hope that others can feel the same without fear of stigma or isolation.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
The Trouble With Being A "Good Guy"
I am working on a project at the University of Iowa regarding violence prevetion. It is a peer mentorship model that takes a small number of members from a particular group and fosters an environment where the participants feel comfortable opening up on a number of very controversial issues regarding masculinity, violence, sexual assault, and overall responsibility for prevention.
Almost to the individual, every member of my groups came to me saying that they considered themselves to be a "good guy" and that the behaviors we were talking about did not apply to them or their friends.
This may be an overgeneralization, but research suggests that many people would consider themselves similar "good guys." Good guys don't get violent, good guys don't abuse and exploit their friends, good guys are leaders, and good guys protect others. Certainly not all guys are blind to issues of violence, sexual assault, racism, sexism, and homophobia and other pressing issues of campus safety and respect.
And yet men as a whole are significantly more likely to be arrested or cited for an alcohol related incidents including driving under the influence. 90% or more of perpetrators of rape are men. 52% of relationships in college see some form of stalking or other forms of intimate partner violence at least once DURING COLLEGE though many are loath to admit it! In fact, partner violence, specifically sexual assault and stalking are the top crimes facing men and women between the ages of 18 - 25 according to the Department of Justice.
So where are the good men? If they are not doing these actions, then what are they doing while these acts of violence is occuring? How are they promoting or condemining these actions in word and deed? If we call ourselves leaders, do we condemn these actions in deeds? Do we glorify the proto-behaviors behind close doors? How do we react when we are confronted by behavior we feel to be inappropriate?
"It's not my problem." One student reported. Another said that he feared reprocussions towards getting involved in his friend's personal life. "If I see it, I would stop it," a third student reported. But he just doesn't see it.
These responses are not uncommon, especially amongst self-identified "Good Men." Heck, I considered my self to be a good man for the longest time! The problem is that if it were up to the victim, we would not have these problems. Good men, I would argue, need to be more aware of their surroundings and know that if they are to truly be a good men, then they need to speak up and speak out about the risks facing college students of ALL GENDERS on campuses.
The problem is that silence only abets the problems facing college campuses. Many perpetrators feel empowered to continue their behavior unless otherwise confronted by their peers. This is compounded by how the victim feels, both isolated and hurt as target. In an effort to be cool and "keep chill" amongst someone's friends, many good men say nothing. Whether they are uncomfortable, been taught to be ok with certain behaviors or jokes, or are just scared to speak up to those they otherwise respect, good men are silenced by perpetrators. But hey....words are just words right?
As Marting Luther King Jr. said, "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in the moments of comfort and conveneience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
If you are looking for more information about violence on college campuses, please read the University of Iowa's Men's Anti-Violence Council blog.
So...where do you stand?
Almost to the individual, every member of my groups came to me saying that they considered themselves to be a "good guy" and that the behaviors we were talking about did not apply to them or their friends.
This may be an overgeneralization, but research suggests that many people would consider themselves similar "good guys." Good guys don't get violent, good guys don't abuse and exploit their friends, good guys are leaders, and good guys protect others. Certainly not all guys are blind to issues of violence, sexual assault, racism, sexism, and homophobia and other pressing issues of campus safety and respect.
And yet men as a whole are significantly more likely to be arrested or cited for an alcohol related incidents including driving under the influence. 90% or more of perpetrators of rape are men. 52% of relationships in college see some form of stalking or other forms of intimate partner violence at least once DURING COLLEGE though many are loath to admit it! In fact, partner violence, specifically sexual assault and stalking are the top crimes facing men and women between the ages of 18 - 25 according to the Department of Justice.
So where are the good men? If they are not doing these actions, then what are they doing while these acts of violence is occuring? How are they promoting or condemining these actions in word and deed? If we call ourselves leaders, do we condemn these actions in deeds? Do we glorify the proto-behaviors behind close doors? How do we react when we are confronted by behavior we feel to be inappropriate?
"It's not my problem." One student reported. Another said that he feared reprocussions towards getting involved in his friend's personal life. "If I see it, I would stop it," a third student reported. But he just doesn't see it.
These responses are not uncommon, especially amongst self-identified "Good Men." Heck, I considered my self to be a good man for the longest time! The problem is that if it were up to the victim, we would not have these problems. Good men, I would argue, need to be more aware of their surroundings and know that if they are to truly be a good men, then they need to speak up and speak out about the risks facing college students of ALL GENDERS on campuses.
The problem is that silence only abets the problems facing college campuses. Many perpetrators feel empowered to continue their behavior unless otherwise confronted by their peers. This is compounded by how the victim feels, both isolated and hurt as target. In an effort to be cool and "keep chill" amongst someone's friends, many good men say nothing. Whether they are uncomfortable, been taught to be ok with certain behaviors or jokes, or are just scared to speak up to those they otherwise respect, good men are silenced by perpetrators. But hey....words are just words right?
As Marting Luther King Jr. said, "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in the moments of comfort and conveneience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
If you are looking for more information about violence on college campuses, please read the University of Iowa's Men's Anti-Violence Council blog.
So...where do you stand?
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Imagine...
Close your eyes for a moment, and walk with me on a thought excersize.
Imagine the six women in your life who are most influential. Or five men. How much do they mean to you? How close to them are you?
Imagine for a moment that they go out one night. As improbable as that may seem for some of them. Imagine that they are at a bar, a book club, a concert, or traveling.
Imagine that during this activity, a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend, or a family member verbally insults or hits, or even sexually assaults this person close to you. How would you feel? What would you say? What would you do? For the survivor or the perpetrator?
Now imagine for a moment that this was an act not in isolation, but had been building. Warning signs may have been present and someone else who was close to you was aware and present, who witnessed the warning signs and said nothing? How would you feel? What would you say? What would you do to that bystander?
Unfortunately, this kind of scenario (in many different forms, with different people, at different places) is all too real. For students who are entering college, supposedly one of the best experiences in their lives, these kind of attacks can utterly ruin the experience and have long lasting repercussions for the survivor.
The statistics according to the Department of Justice are terrifying. One in six women and one in five men are sexually assaulted in their lifetime, many before they even get to college. Nearly 50% of 18-25 year olds reported being stalked making it one of the most significant crimes facing college students today. Also, one in three college relationships will have a violent incident occur in the partnership at least once.
Imagine a world where this is not the case...
Imagine a world where students of all genders, religions, sexual orientations, and ethnicities can grow and be themselves without fear, without hate, without bias.
I can.
It may seem naive, but I believe if we all become more observant about our own actions, inactions, and words and those from people around us, we can have a world free from violence and hate.
To accomplish this goal, it is going to take more than survivors speaking up. It's going to take more than education about how "not" to be one of those "bad" people, but it is going to take good people standing up and speaking out about issues big and small to make change.
For me, this means take a stand against violence and microaggressions. For you it might be drinking. For someone else it might be hazing, or racism, or homophobia, or whatever issue concerns you the most. But together, we can stand for what we believe is right, support each other and our friends, and continue to challenge others where their behavior may be inconsiderate, ignorant, or cruel.
Bystander behavior is a terrible thing. It allows us to become blind because we ourselves THINK we don't engage in certain behaviors. Yet we know that a large majority of people would like to speak up against hateful speech, cruel jokes, and violent behavior or words. Even innocent sounding jokes or minor acts of kidding around with others can have a significant impact. Yet people who feel like they want to speak up, feel alone. Or they don't know what to say. Or be told to "lighten up." It's cruel that the vast majority of people who are speaking are the ones who are saying inappropriate things and those who think otherwise are deligitimized as going against the grain or seen as inappropriate in their own right. As a result those who do want to intervene either feel alone, and thus may be wrong or don't know what to say.
As the Martin Luther King Jr. said, "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
Imagine a world where good people are no longer silent.
I can. It looks pretty good actually...
I apologize in advance. I will begin to use this blog as an extension of my work with the Men's Anti-Violence Council here at the University of Iowa. You can find MAC blog here.
Not that I get many readers now, but if you are uninterested in imagining a personal violence free world, then this might not be the place for you.
We may not be super heroes, but together, we can make a huge impact. Speak up, speak out, and never be afraid to challenge the inappropriate.
Imagine the six women in your life who are most influential. Or five men. How much do they mean to you? How close to them are you?
Imagine for a moment that they go out one night. As improbable as that may seem for some of them. Imagine that they are at a bar, a book club, a concert, or traveling.
Imagine that during this activity, a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend, or a family member verbally insults or hits, or even sexually assaults this person close to you. How would you feel? What would you say? What would you do? For the survivor or the perpetrator?
Now imagine for a moment that this was an act not in isolation, but had been building. Warning signs may have been present and someone else who was close to you was aware and present, who witnessed the warning signs and said nothing? How would you feel? What would you say? What would you do to that bystander?
Unfortunately, this kind of scenario (in many different forms, with different people, at different places) is all too real. For students who are entering college, supposedly one of the best experiences in their lives, these kind of attacks can utterly ruin the experience and have long lasting repercussions for the survivor.
The statistics according to the Department of Justice are terrifying. One in six women and one in five men are sexually assaulted in their lifetime, many before they even get to college. Nearly 50% of 18-25 year olds reported being stalked making it one of the most significant crimes facing college students today. Also, one in three college relationships will have a violent incident occur in the partnership at least once.
Imagine a world where this is not the case...
Imagine a world where students of all genders, religions, sexual orientations, and ethnicities can grow and be themselves without fear, without hate, without bias.
I can.
It may seem naive, but I believe if we all become more observant about our own actions, inactions, and words and those from people around us, we can have a world free from violence and hate.
To accomplish this goal, it is going to take more than survivors speaking up. It's going to take more than education about how "not" to be one of those "bad" people, but it is going to take good people standing up and speaking out about issues big and small to make change.
For me, this means take a stand against violence and microaggressions. For you it might be drinking. For someone else it might be hazing, or racism, or homophobia, or whatever issue concerns you the most. But together, we can stand for what we believe is right, support each other and our friends, and continue to challenge others where their behavior may be inconsiderate, ignorant, or cruel.
Bystander behavior is a terrible thing. It allows us to become blind because we ourselves THINK we don't engage in certain behaviors. Yet we know that a large majority of people would like to speak up against hateful speech, cruel jokes, and violent behavior or words. Even innocent sounding jokes or minor acts of kidding around with others can have a significant impact. Yet people who feel like they want to speak up, feel alone. Or they don't know what to say. Or be told to "lighten up." It's cruel that the vast majority of people who are speaking are the ones who are saying inappropriate things and those who think otherwise are deligitimized as going against the grain or seen as inappropriate in their own right. As a result those who do want to intervene either feel alone, and thus may be wrong or don't know what to say.
As the Martin Luther King Jr. said, "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
Imagine a world where good people are no longer silent.
I can. It looks pretty good actually...
I apologize in advance. I will begin to use this blog as an extension of my work with the Men's Anti-Violence Council here at the University of Iowa. You can find MAC blog here.
Not that I get many readers now, but if you are uninterested in imagining a personal violence free world, then this might not be the place for you.
We may not be super heroes, but together, we can make a huge impact. Speak up, speak out, and never be afraid to challenge the inappropriate.
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