Stale and boring is a recipe for disaster. So many times I have been asked the question "how do I motivate my chapter" and so many times the response is nuanced, qualified, and term laden from Kousezes and Posner's Leadership The Challenge. But today, the question crystallized into a question in response.
When was the last time you did something your men wanted to do?
In the cases of failing organizations, the response is usually every friday and saturday night. It's the same thing that's brought these groups before their standards boards before and will likely bring them before those boards again. For those groups, I'm sorry, this is not your post. Though perhaps you may find the project I'm about to propose an interesting alternative?
The greater tragedy is when great groups fall into dissarray and complacency. It's these great groups gone bad that makes being a consultant truly difficult.
Last time, I talked about Southwest as a model of Fraternity behavior, today, let's talk about the rise and fall of Blockbuster. Blockbuster, like many a great chapter, built an empire off of a necessary service and brand loyalty. Fraternities too, came of age in a time when the academia was not concerned with the slightest in the moral development of its students in the greater world around them. Co-curriculars? Forget about it. Many of the more distionguished institutions believed that pure academic discourse would "elevate man" and make better people. Social, even Academic Groups, disagreed, and the Fraternal System flourished. Let's not even ruminate over the failure to provide housing and group building that creates lasting legacies and committment to alma mater vis a vis alumni giving.
All of that has changed. Schools are now in the business of providing pro-active positive co-curricular enrichment. Leadership, once in the purview of Fraternal programming offices and through hands on experience, are now in established offices in academic institutions across the United States. Residence halls are one of the biggest revenue generators outside of tuition for most institutions along with meal plans. Community service is now required of ALL students both during the first year and beyond. Even the trump card of national networking opportunities is eroding as schools increase their presence and outreach to their alumni in a global age.
So what is a fraternity to do? The response is generally tradition. We're going to do what we've always done and do it bigger and better. Bigger parties, bigger shirt designs, bigger new member education processes.
And as traditional actions yield increasingly meager results (law of diminishing returns anyone?), our members become increasingly frustrated.
Blockbuster, one of the biggest traditionalists in the home entertainment field, filed bankruptcy, while many of our best chapters worry about the same. They worry their classes aren't natural leaders, they worry they're not the best of men, they worry that as numbers grow, the organization risks being diminished and at every juncture, men respond to change with "but this is how we've always done things and look how good we were." As you continue to wallow in the past, you become complacent about the future. Just ask Blockbuster. They turned down a significant partnership with Netflix in 2000 and look where they are now...
Remember, Einstein once said "insanity is the repetition of the same act expecting different results." So, when was the last time you tried something truly new?
To fight complacency, I want to pull an old card trick from my days doing improvisation WAY back in the day. It is a little game called "Yes and..." Basically, you get the name of a person, a place, and a job and you must act out a scene one line at a time. You can never say no and you can never go back on previous statements. See where you end up and how you feel about outside of the box thinking? See if you can make committee meetings a game of "Yes and..." To be fair, a kegger is probably not the best response, but keep thinking outside of the box.
Remember, there are always consequences for your actions or inaction.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Flying the Friendly Fraternity Skies
Happy post thanksgiving everyone and L'Chaim to my Jewish friends who still have fond memories of dreidles and gelt (for today also marks the first day of Hannukah)!
Like much of America, I engaged in what has become a time honored tradition of waiting in line, screened, and avoiding crying babies as I flew from one side of the country to another. The stereo cacophony not withstanding, it was actually quite pleasent. Like most of my flights back home, my cheapest fair just happened to be Southwest. As we reached cruising altitude, their very engaging flight crew came through the cabin and handed out peanuts, soda, and other creature comforts.
I promise, this isn't the run up to a Seinfeld-esque joke, I swear.
I paused. Wait a minute, Southwest was one of the few airlines that was still consistently in the black during these hard economic times yet I still got a full can of diet coke (my addiction), snacks, AND I checked two bags for free? Don't even get me started on how nice their new fleet of Boeing 737s are.
What the heck?
Juxtapose this treatment to a flight on American Airlines. The ticket is more expensive, the luggage is certainly not free, and don't even count on inflight meals anymore. How can one airline go from being the low cost airline, provide high amenities, and still remain solvent and profitable in this day in age?
The question is not so much how Southwest can do it but how can any organization remain both profitable and desireable simultaneously.
For Fraternities and Sororities, the costs are often less quanitfiable but no less real and dangerous. Poor planning amounts to uncomfortable delays, failure to collect dues leads to insolvency and less amenities, poor image and reputation (McDonnel Douglass jets or Rolls Royce engines anyone?) leads to few recruits, and hazers are those horrendous "customer service" agents who seem to serve no purpose except to keep you FROM getting to your destination.
On the other hand, Fraternities and Sororities can provide lots of "perks" for a very low "cost." You can create a new member experience that improves their GPA and encourages community involvement. In such a way, a person becomes more attractive in the so called "real world" after college. Your orgnization can provide safe and responsibile events that avoid the hassle and costs of a risk management investigations, or they can co-sponsor educational events with other Greek or NonGreek organizations. The trick is that, unlike the economic axiom that a dollar today is worth more than a dollar tomorrow, instead focuses on the idea that a party tonight IS NOT worth the embarassment, costs, clean ups, and opportunity tomorrow.
Now, we can talk theory and ideals all we want, but the real question is for YOU and you alone. Would you rather be a Southwest or would you rather be a TransWorld Airlines (or Continental, or Pan American, or Florida Coastal, or ATA, or...well, you get the picture)
Like much of America, I engaged in what has become a time honored tradition of waiting in line, screened, and avoiding crying babies as I flew from one side of the country to another. The stereo cacophony not withstanding, it was actually quite pleasent. Like most of my flights back home, my cheapest fair just happened to be Southwest. As we reached cruising altitude, their very engaging flight crew came through the cabin and handed out peanuts, soda, and other creature comforts.
I promise, this isn't the run up to a Seinfeld-esque joke, I swear.
I paused. Wait a minute, Southwest was one of the few airlines that was still consistently in the black during these hard economic times yet I still got a full can of diet coke (my addiction), snacks, AND I checked two bags for free? Don't even get me started on how nice their new fleet of Boeing 737s are.
What the heck?
Juxtapose this treatment to a flight on American Airlines. The ticket is more expensive, the luggage is certainly not free, and don't even count on inflight meals anymore. How can one airline go from being the low cost airline, provide high amenities, and still remain solvent and profitable in this day in age?
The question is not so much how Southwest can do it but how can any organization remain both profitable and desireable simultaneously.
For Fraternities and Sororities, the costs are often less quanitfiable but no less real and dangerous. Poor planning amounts to uncomfortable delays, failure to collect dues leads to insolvency and less amenities, poor image and reputation (McDonnel Douglass jets or Rolls Royce engines anyone?) leads to few recruits, and hazers are those horrendous "customer service" agents who seem to serve no purpose except to keep you FROM getting to your destination.
On the other hand, Fraternities and Sororities can provide lots of "perks" for a very low "cost." You can create a new member experience that improves their GPA and encourages community involvement. In such a way, a person becomes more attractive in the so called "real world" after college. Your orgnization can provide safe and responsibile events that avoid the hassle and costs of a risk management investigations, or they can co-sponsor educational events with other Greek or NonGreek organizations. The trick is that, unlike the economic axiom that a dollar today is worth more than a dollar tomorrow, instead focuses on the idea that a party tonight IS NOT worth the embarassment, costs, clean ups, and opportunity tomorrow.
Now, we can talk theory and ideals all we want, but the real question is for YOU and you alone. Would you rather be a Southwest or would you rather be a TransWorld Airlines (or Continental, or Pan American, or Florida Coastal, or ATA, or...well, you get the picture)
Friday, November 12, 2010
Promoting Greek Relevance through promoting Entrepreneurship
I've always wondered why business was a bad word and what was so special about brotherhood. I've read a fair number of articles and I've talked with a few people from both the business world and (as a consultant) from undergraduate chapters and their advisors and I seem to fall back on this one simple (albeit probably unpopular) precept
BUSINESS and BROTHERHOOD are values neutral statements. They just...are.
This flies in the face of the rhetoric that follows both. The media, especially since the passage of TARP at the beginning of the financial meltdown, has talked about Main Street versus Wall Street. Big Business controls Washington and Academia, especially the liberal arts, stands in stark contrast to the profit obsessed culture of America.
Yet businesses create jobs, donate more philanthropy dollars, raise awareness, and drive innovation in today's society. And despite a tendency to demonize business, more graduate leave college joking about how their high priced degrees have made them well spoken barristas at starbucks at best and unemployable at worst.
This challenge is seen in the interfraternal world as well. On one hand, we talk about being "brothers for life" yet one of the biggest complaints I hear while I am on the road in big chapters or small is that seniors have dropped off the face of the earth, or worse, contributing to a deliquent culture against the wishes of the officers of the chapter. At the national level, volunteering and giving levels remain far lower than total "lifelong" membership would otherwise suggest was feasable.
As a Leadership Consultant for my Fraternity, my job is to look at some of these issues and develop solutions to address those problems. From my novice perspective on the field, it seems as if we spend a significant amount of time justifying our relevance rather than making ourselves relevent. We fall back on brotherhood or sisterhood and sometimes miss the overal point that our relevance is in fact very much linked with the concerns of undergraduates today - can I get a job for doing this?
Right now I'm working on a project that will try and reframe how we talk with some of our undergraduates about values. Specifically, by linking the values of Fraternity and Sorority life to that of the business world (responsibility, honesty, discipline, creativity, socialization / sales, and community involvement) I hope to make the case that being a good Fraternity Man or Sorority Woman has a direct impact on your appeal in the work force.
In other words, Fraternities can do what many complain their degrees may not necessarily be able to do on their own - get them jobs!
BUSINESS and BROTHERHOOD are values neutral statements. They just...are.
This flies in the face of the rhetoric that follows both. The media, especially since the passage of TARP at the beginning of the financial meltdown, has talked about Main Street versus Wall Street. Big Business controls Washington and Academia, especially the liberal arts, stands in stark contrast to the profit obsessed culture of America.
Yet businesses create jobs, donate more philanthropy dollars, raise awareness, and drive innovation in today's society. And despite a tendency to demonize business, more graduate leave college joking about how their high priced degrees have made them well spoken barristas at starbucks at best and unemployable at worst.
This challenge is seen in the interfraternal world as well. On one hand, we talk about being "brothers for life" yet one of the biggest complaints I hear while I am on the road in big chapters or small is that seniors have dropped off the face of the earth, or worse, contributing to a deliquent culture against the wishes of the officers of the chapter. At the national level, volunteering and giving levels remain far lower than total "lifelong" membership would otherwise suggest was feasable.
As a Leadership Consultant for my Fraternity, my job is to look at some of these issues and develop solutions to address those problems. From my novice perspective on the field, it seems as if we spend a significant amount of time justifying our relevance rather than making ourselves relevent. We fall back on brotherhood or sisterhood and sometimes miss the overal point that our relevance is in fact very much linked with the concerns of undergraduates today - can I get a job for doing this?
Right now I'm working on a project that will try and reframe how we talk with some of our undergraduates about values. Specifically, by linking the values of Fraternity and Sorority life to that of the business world (responsibility, honesty, discipline, creativity, socialization / sales, and community involvement) I hope to make the case that being a good Fraternity Man or Sorority Woman has a direct impact on your appeal in the work force.
In other words, Fraternities can do what many complain their degrees may not necessarily be able to do on their own - get them jobs!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Brotherhood, Spice, and Everything Nice: In Pursuit of a Better Brotherhood
I suppose I should apologize first for my use of the colon in my title. I was told that such fallacies are self-important and ostentatious. However, as a graduate in the political sciences, sometimes I cannot help myself.
I was reading an article in the New York Times today about marriage about what makes a good marriage better. The premise was summed up by the author nicely with the argument that:
"I started wondering why I wasn’t applying myself to the project of being a spouse. My marriage was good, utterly central to my existence, yet in no other important aspect of my life was I so laissez-faire. Like most of my peers, I applied myself to school, friendship, work, health and, ad nauseam, raising my children. But in this critical area, marriage, we had all turned away. I wanted to understand why. I wanted not to accept this."
I began thinking, what if we replaced the word marriage with brotherhood or sisterhood?
So often, once a brother (or sister) is initiated it seems to be the end of the line. When asked about what what defines a chapter, the word brotherhood comes up. If we take for granted that Fraternities and Sororities are not just vehicles to buy friends, then there has to be something about "brotherhood" or "sisterhood" that has a deep and meaningful impact in our lives. In many ways though, it is seemingly difficult to clarify through visits to 30+ organizations across the country and that to me is why this New York Times column was so interesting. Why are we content to leave brotherhood as a set of shared experiences embodied by our ritual and NOT challenge ourselves to Be Better Brothers.
I am going to apologize again, as I go forward, my pronouns will be Fraternity and gender specific (based upon my own) but should not constitute an exclusion to women, gender neutral organizations, or non-Greek groups as well. In many ways the arguments I seek to make here should be applied to any "assumed" relationship you or your social circles may have.
The first question I am invariably asked by most inquiring chapter presidents is "how can I fight apathy?" My response is almost always, "what do you like about being a brother of <<insert chapter designation here>> at <<insert school name here>>?" As I mentioned, brotherhood comes up. The "tightness" of a group and how close they are as friends is what distinguishes our chapter from every other Greek lettered fraternity on campus. Now, I'm sure if I asked other consultants and other groups, they would submit to me the same response. As a social Fraternity, I will not dispute that this is generally a fundamental part of our mission, especially at the local, undergraduate level. This response is certainly in line with everything I have been taught by recruitment specialists as well. "People recruit people" they say. Unless you are hazing your members (which is a whole other issue and for a discussion on Hazing please read both Kyle Hickman's blog and TJ Sullivan, of CAMPUS SPEAK, commentary), then there is no reason why you are not at least passing positive acquaintances with your fellow brothers.
But is being a good guy qualify you as a brother? Surely I have friends who are not brothers and I can absolutely promise you that not every brother I have worked with has been a good friend. The answer lies in how you define brotherhood to begin with.
Let's begin with so-called intangibles. Often times we all have difficulty in putting clear adjectives to our defintion of brotherhood. To quote Justice Potter Stewart in Jacobellis v Ohio, "[Obscenity,] I know it when I see it." Insofar as we meet “good guys” and don’t get creeped out by them, then we accept them as plausible candidates. The problem is that then we need to use the new member education process to get to know these men and thus it becomes easier to qualify them as outside of the brotherhood. This presents the basis of the hazing claim that the pledge is not a brother and therefore must "earn" his letters.
Instead, let us challenge that process and say that we won't give a bid to a man who has not already demonstrated SOME aspects of what good brotherhood is all about. Just like the "good" marriage, the "good" pledge maintains strong positives in academics, empathy, ability to socialize and have fun, honest, and loyal.
So, how does one challenge that paradigm and create a better brotherhood? The first aspect is labeling those good traits. Once you know what you're looking for, you don't need to force members through arbitrary activities that promote a false sense of loyalty. You can recruit the men you want, based on a set criteria. Once you have recruited them, you demonstrate those same qualities yourself. You hold you and your brothers to the same standards as those you bring in and set positive goals. You lead by example and you design activities and lessons based upon the principle that you want your new members to BE BETTER than yourself. You don't do the same traditions because you have done them yourself. Instead, you challenge the status quo.
Think about it like this, even when we're content to survive are we really a brotherhood or are we a club?
Ritual does not make brotherhood. Actions forge brotherhood. Knowledge forges brotherhood. Ideals forge brotherhood. Test yourself and your chapter with open an honest dialogue - about drinking, about hazing, about academic and personal excellence. Creating good brotherhood comes from creating excellence. Creating excellence cannot be accomplished through gimmicks.
The question for you is, what kind of brotherhood do you want? And how are you applying yourself to create a better brotherhood for yourself and your chapter?
Married (Happily) With Issues article from the New York Times
I was reading an article in the New York Times today about marriage about what makes a good marriage better. The premise was summed up by the author nicely with the argument that:
"I started wondering why I wasn’t applying myself to the project of being a spouse. My marriage was good, utterly central to my existence, yet in no other important aspect of my life was I so laissez-faire. Like most of my peers, I applied myself to school, friendship, work, health and, ad nauseam, raising my children. But in this critical area, marriage, we had all turned away. I wanted to understand why. I wanted not to accept this."
I began thinking, what if we replaced the word marriage with brotherhood or sisterhood?
So often, once a brother (or sister) is initiated it seems to be the end of the line. When asked about what what defines a chapter, the word brotherhood comes up. If we take for granted that Fraternities and Sororities are not just vehicles to buy friends, then there has to be something about "brotherhood" or "sisterhood" that has a deep and meaningful impact in our lives. In many ways though, it is seemingly difficult to clarify through visits to 30+ organizations across the country and that to me is why this New York Times column was so interesting. Why are we content to leave brotherhood as a set of shared experiences embodied by our ritual and NOT challenge ourselves to Be Better Brothers.
I am going to apologize again, as I go forward, my pronouns will be Fraternity and gender specific (based upon my own) but should not constitute an exclusion to women, gender neutral organizations, or non-Greek groups as well. In many ways the arguments I seek to make here should be applied to any "assumed" relationship you or your social circles may have.
The first question I am invariably asked by most inquiring chapter presidents is "how can I fight apathy?" My response is almost always, "what do you like about being a brother of <<insert chapter designation here>> at <<insert school name here>>?" As I mentioned, brotherhood comes up. The "tightness" of a group and how close they are as friends is what distinguishes our chapter from every other Greek lettered fraternity on campus. Now, I'm sure if I asked other consultants and other groups, they would submit to me the same response. As a social Fraternity, I will not dispute that this is generally a fundamental part of our mission, especially at the local, undergraduate level. This response is certainly in line with everything I have been taught by recruitment specialists as well. "People recruit people" they say. Unless you are hazing your members (which is a whole other issue and for a discussion on Hazing please read both Kyle Hickman's blog and TJ Sullivan, of CAMPUS SPEAK, commentary), then there is no reason why you are not at least passing positive acquaintances with your fellow brothers.
But is being a good guy qualify you as a brother? Surely I have friends who are not brothers and I can absolutely promise you that not every brother I have worked with has been a good friend. The answer lies in how you define brotherhood to begin with.
Let's begin with so-called intangibles. Often times we all have difficulty in putting clear adjectives to our defintion of brotherhood. To quote Justice Potter Stewart in Jacobellis v Ohio, "[Obscenity,] I know it when I see it." Insofar as we meet “good guys” and don’t get creeped out by them, then we accept them as plausible candidates. The problem is that then we need to use the new member education process to get to know these men and thus it becomes easier to qualify them as outside of the brotherhood. This presents the basis of the hazing claim that the pledge is not a brother and therefore must "earn" his letters.
Instead, let us challenge that process and say that we won't give a bid to a man who has not already demonstrated SOME aspects of what good brotherhood is all about. Just like the "good" marriage, the "good" pledge maintains strong positives in academics, empathy, ability to socialize and have fun, honest, and loyal.
So, how does one challenge that paradigm and create a better brotherhood? The first aspect is labeling those good traits. Once you know what you're looking for, you don't need to force members through arbitrary activities that promote a false sense of loyalty. You can recruit the men you want, based on a set criteria. Once you have recruited them, you demonstrate those same qualities yourself. You hold you and your brothers to the same standards as those you bring in and set positive goals. You lead by example and you design activities and lessons based upon the principle that you want your new members to BE BETTER than yourself. You don't do the same traditions because you have done them yourself. Instead, you challenge the status quo.
Think about it like this, even when we're content to survive are we really a brotherhood or are we a club?
Ritual does not make brotherhood. Actions forge brotherhood. Knowledge forges brotherhood. Ideals forge brotherhood. Test yourself and your chapter with open an honest dialogue - about drinking, about hazing, about academic and personal excellence. Creating good brotherhood comes from creating excellence. Creating excellence cannot be accomplished through gimmicks.
The question for you is, what kind of brotherhood do you want? And how are you applying yourself to create a better brotherhood for yourself and your chapter?
Married (Happily) With Issues article from the New York Times
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Conflict Resolution
There seems to be a myth, certainly at the chapter level, that every member of an organization is your friend and that the reverse should be just as true. That said, for anyone who has had a co-worker, a professional colleague, a fraternity or sorority brother or sister can tell you, this is certainly not the case. Why is this not the case? In part because, as shocking as this may be to some people (insert sarcastic smile here), there are some people in the world you JUST. DON'T. LIKE.
Now, for many people, this really is not an issue. You go about your day, behave professionally, and generally do your utmost to avoid putting yourself in situations that require prolonged interaction with these individuals. But, when you are in the Fraternity / Sorority setting specifically, where the framework is "numbers, numbers, numbers," you may not have the liberty to avoid this person. Moreover, you may be forced to work in intimate contact with them for the sake of The Chapter. This is actually a wonderful opportunity for you to really explore your tolerance levels and develop coping capabilities, but for some, this is too much. Conflict, especially when living in close proximity (and especially in the presence of alcohol) is inevitable.
So, given that not all of our friends will be in our organization and not all members in our organization will be our best friends (in part because of the many idiosyncracies that make up us as individuals), what can we do to peacefully and positively move forward for the betterment of the organization? Since, let us be honest here for a second, fist fights in the hall ways rarely if ever do anything but create a longer lasting legacy than the orginal problem ever will.
The first step is to create distance between two opponents. If the problem is a simering one, ask the two opponents to work on different projects at different times. Give them some time to cool off. If, as is the case in some of the more violent cases, the conflict is in immediate risk of exploding (see two "Frat" boys at a bar), then you need to step between the two or call someone who can. Anything you can do to distract these two opponents the better it will be. As in the case of the bar, if you can get one or both of the opponents out of the bar in different directions to avoid drinking any more, the better everyone will be.
The second step is to ascertain the problem. In many cases we hear snippets of facts and innuendo and we want to be the knights in shining armor. An improper confrontation could be even worse than none at all depending upon how it is handled. Try and ask open ended questions of each party, seperate of each other so you can get a string of uninterrupted story. If you have time, solicit outside opinions from others who are familiar with the issue. This will also help you in future steps as you try to determine who should talk with one or more of the parties involved and how. Again, if this conflict is in immediate danger of blowing up, do not feel that resolution is on your shoulders alone. If you cant take the time to get all of the facts, just seperate the parties and wait a day to work towards resolution.
The third step involves picking the time, place, and method of resolution and can be the most critical part of the whole process. Stepping in immediately without all of the facts can get you into a yelling match and alienate one or more of the parties. Similarly, waiting to long can allow the parties to the dispute to submerge their feelings and fall back against a shield of "brotherhood" or "sisterhood" that prohibits open and honest dialogue. You also want to pick who might have the best standing rapport (as I'll talk about in a minute) with each of the parties involved. Whether it is a family member, a best friend, a respected officer in the organization, or just another brother, someone who has the respect of the party to the dispute is going to have an easier time getting through to them. When you pick your time and place, be aware of the simple things like body placement and number of individuals doing the confrontation. If it is three against one, with the person who is creating conflict has his or her back, literally, against a wall, they are more likely to become panicked and angry. Try and find a safe place and a safe time that will allow cooler heads to prevail and give each party a chance to leave the situation if at all possible. Finally, you'll have to choose an aggressive or "passive" approach. If this is a case of pending violence, you may well be forced to physically intervene to seperate the parties and forcefully remove someone from premises. Only do this if you are confident in your own abilities. If not, please call the local authorities. Afterwards however, and in most cases, such a physical response only encourages defensiveness and anger. Be careful about your body language and words that you choose. If you approach a person who is already angry with a squared jaw, squinting eyes, shoulders drawn back, you look like you're about to fight the individual. A more "passive" approach, ie one that infers calm and reason, may be key to drawing down the tension.
The fourth step involves buidling rapport and establishing trust. Once you've made a decision about how you are going to intervene and try to resolve the situation peacefully, make sure you try and build rapport with the party to the dispute. If the person feels you are "out to get them" or biased in some way, they are less likely to listen to you. If you can build trust and use "I feel..."statements or other types of personal affirmative declerations, it becomes harder for an individual to make the case to continue a conflict. For example, a drunk "Frat" boy may be more likely to listen to "I am worried about you as a brother" than "Dude, you're black out drunk and about to do something stupid." Both are equally true, but one is in the positive and demonstrates concern and brotherly love while the other is a negative statement attempting logic against a drunk person. Again, conflict rarely occurs in the most ideal situations and neither will resolution thereof. So make the most out of your bonds of broterhood / sisterhood / work environment and hold each other accountable, not out of logical necessity (although I can easily make the argument why it is necessary) but because at the end of the day, you care about these people.
The fifth step involves getting a promise from one or more of the individuals. Even if it is something as simple as shaking the other person's hand, that alone is a small step towards reconcilliation. It can also be to stop drinking and go home, take a smoke break, get a glass of water and some bread, or take a walk around the block, you don't need some magical cure in one night, you just need some progress.
Finally, thank the parties for following through on their promises and keep tabs of these individuals. I mean, doesn't brotherhood / sisterhood call on us to look out for and take care of our members? Make sure you are excersizing the core components of brotherly / sisterly love and take care of these members. If it is simmering, keep an eye out for danger signs of a flare up and talk to the parties individually in the coming days and weeks.
I know this is not an exhaustive guide nor does it come with case studies to practice your new found skills, but I encourage you to keep an eye out. Complacency (and bystander effect, or the act watching trouble occur and doing nothing about it) is probably one of the biggest issues facing chapters that I've visited and certainly more across the country. Being able to accurately assess and diffuse a tense situation is an absolutely essential life skill. Waiting for someone else to intervene (or atleast ask someone to do so) is almost a guaruntee that nothing will get done. If you can see the situation becoming a problem, almost always others can as well and are thinking similar thoughts to you. Talk to somone in authority about your concerns and coordinate a response. The people involved will be better off, the organization will be better off, and everyone can get back to what they want to be doing, which is having a little bit of fun with their studies.
Now, for many people, this really is not an issue. You go about your day, behave professionally, and generally do your utmost to avoid putting yourself in situations that require prolonged interaction with these individuals. But, when you are in the Fraternity / Sorority setting specifically, where the framework is "numbers, numbers, numbers," you may not have the liberty to avoid this person. Moreover, you may be forced to work in intimate contact with them for the sake of The Chapter. This is actually a wonderful opportunity for you to really explore your tolerance levels and develop coping capabilities, but for some, this is too much. Conflict, especially when living in close proximity (and especially in the presence of alcohol) is inevitable.
So, given that not all of our friends will be in our organization and not all members in our organization will be our best friends (in part because of the many idiosyncracies that make up us as individuals), what can we do to peacefully and positively move forward for the betterment of the organization? Since, let us be honest here for a second, fist fights in the hall ways rarely if ever do anything but create a longer lasting legacy than the orginal problem ever will.
The first step is to create distance between two opponents. If the problem is a simering one, ask the two opponents to work on different projects at different times. Give them some time to cool off. If, as is the case in some of the more violent cases, the conflict is in immediate risk of exploding (see two "Frat" boys at a bar), then you need to step between the two or call someone who can. Anything you can do to distract these two opponents the better it will be. As in the case of the bar, if you can get one or both of the opponents out of the bar in different directions to avoid drinking any more, the better everyone will be.
The second step is to ascertain the problem. In many cases we hear snippets of facts and innuendo and we want to be the knights in shining armor. An improper confrontation could be even worse than none at all depending upon how it is handled. Try and ask open ended questions of each party, seperate of each other so you can get a string of uninterrupted story. If you have time, solicit outside opinions from others who are familiar with the issue. This will also help you in future steps as you try to determine who should talk with one or more of the parties involved and how. Again, if this conflict is in immediate danger of blowing up, do not feel that resolution is on your shoulders alone. If you cant take the time to get all of the facts, just seperate the parties and wait a day to work towards resolution.
The third step involves picking the time, place, and method of resolution and can be the most critical part of the whole process. Stepping in immediately without all of the facts can get you into a yelling match and alienate one or more of the parties. Similarly, waiting to long can allow the parties to the dispute to submerge their feelings and fall back against a shield of "brotherhood" or "sisterhood" that prohibits open and honest dialogue. You also want to pick who might have the best standing rapport (as I'll talk about in a minute) with each of the parties involved. Whether it is a family member, a best friend, a respected officer in the organization, or just another brother, someone who has the respect of the party to the dispute is going to have an easier time getting through to them. When you pick your time and place, be aware of the simple things like body placement and number of individuals doing the confrontation. If it is three against one, with the person who is creating conflict has his or her back, literally, against a wall, they are more likely to become panicked and angry. Try and find a safe place and a safe time that will allow cooler heads to prevail and give each party a chance to leave the situation if at all possible. Finally, you'll have to choose an aggressive or "passive" approach. If this is a case of pending violence, you may well be forced to physically intervene to seperate the parties and forcefully remove someone from premises. Only do this if you are confident in your own abilities. If not, please call the local authorities. Afterwards however, and in most cases, such a physical response only encourages defensiveness and anger. Be careful about your body language and words that you choose. If you approach a person who is already angry with a squared jaw, squinting eyes, shoulders drawn back, you look like you're about to fight the individual. A more "passive" approach, ie one that infers calm and reason, may be key to drawing down the tension.
The fourth step involves buidling rapport and establishing trust. Once you've made a decision about how you are going to intervene and try to resolve the situation peacefully, make sure you try and build rapport with the party to the dispute. If the person feels you are "out to get them" or biased in some way, they are less likely to listen to you. If you can build trust and use "I feel..."statements or other types of personal affirmative declerations, it becomes harder for an individual to make the case to continue a conflict. For example, a drunk "Frat" boy may be more likely to listen to "I am worried about you as a brother" than "Dude, you're black out drunk and about to do something stupid." Both are equally true, but one is in the positive and demonstrates concern and brotherly love while the other is a negative statement attempting logic against a drunk person. Again, conflict rarely occurs in the most ideal situations and neither will resolution thereof. So make the most out of your bonds of broterhood / sisterhood / work environment and hold each other accountable, not out of logical necessity (although I can easily make the argument why it is necessary) but because at the end of the day, you care about these people.
The fifth step involves getting a promise from one or more of the individuals. Even if it is something as simple as shaking the other person's hand, that alone is a small step towards reconcilliation. It can also be to stop drinking and go home, take a smoke break, get a glass of water and some bread, or take a walk around the block, you don't need some magical cure in one night, you just need some progress.
Finally, thank the parties for following through on their promises and keep tabs of these individuals. I mean, doesn't brotherhood / sisterhood call on us to look out for and take care of our members? Make sure you are excersizing the core components of brotherly / sisterly love and take care of these members. If it is simmering, keep an eye out for danger signs of a flare up and talk to the parties individually in the coming days and weeks.
I know this is not an exhaustive guide nor does it come with case studies to practice your new found skills, but I encourage you to keep an eye out. Complacency (and bystander effect, or the act watching trouble occur and doing nothing about it) is probably one of the biggest issues facing chapters that I've visited and certainly more across the country. Being able to accurately assess and diffuse a tense situation is an absolutely essential life skill. Waiting for someone else to intervene (or atleast ask someone to do so) is almost a guaruntee that nothing will get done. If you can see the situation becoming a problem, almost always others can as well and are thinking similar thoughts to you. Talk to somone in authority about your concerns and coordinate a response. The people involved will be better off, the organization will be better off, and everyone can get back to what they want to be doing, which is having a little bit of fun with their studies.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
What's in your backpack?
I thought as I began my journeys, I would reflect a little bit on how one packs as a professional traveler and what it says about said person. To do so, I hope you'll forgive my homage to a recent traveling comedy/tradgedy about a similary handsome professional traveler called "Up in the Air."
The movie follows the life of professional bad news bearer Ryan Bingham (George Clooney) who travels the country firing people for companies that don't have the taste to do it themselves (even though they signed the paperwork.) Along the way, he promotes his own life lessons workshop called "What's in your backpack." As a man who travels essentially alone for most of the year, he is a major advocate of keeping relatively loose ties with everyone around him. "Long distance friends," he callously cautions, "only adds to your backpack and weighs you down. Move to your own rythym, your own goals."
His attitudes reflect those of another famous hollywood traveler, The Narrator (played by Edward Norton) from the Fight Club, who claims that he has many friends, but like the portion sizes of the items on the airplanes he travels in, they are "one shot" friends.
[For more information on both movies, please watch them or, barring that, IMDB them.]
In many ways, both of these characters hew closely to the lifestyle of a professional Fraternity / Sorority consultant. Especially for the Sorority (and some Fraternity) consultants who travel by air.
But in many ways too, this solitary existance runs counter to our very nature to be social and to bond. Phired Up Productions calls our desires to excel, to network, to make friends, "Social Excellence." They talk about working conferences, developing networks, and mutually supporting each other by having deep and meaningful conversations that rebuild, re-energize, and repopulate our will to make a difference. The philosophy is so prevelant that Google search auto-populates "Phired Up Social Excellence" as a third option when you begin typing it. Other books, including wildly sucessful networking guides such as Keith Ferrazzi's "Never Eat Alone" and Dale Carnegie's "How to Influence People and Make Friends" are also huge advocates of embracing, rather than rejecting, human connections.
For those of you who are in the field of working with undergraduates, I cannot over-state the importance of this lesson. If you want to make a difference with the people you work with, help them care with you. There is no greater joy, in my mind, then sitting with an officer or regular member, and watching them as they come to their own conclusions. I may, as "the expert" have a million ideas, but unless they take ownerhsip over them, then I'm just blowing hot air.
Remember folks, in this world, it isn't what you know anymore, it's who you know. This will be especially important as the economy continues to struggle with unemployment hovering at 10%. There are many qualified people out and about. People with experience in your field. Most likely more experience than you. As Jerry Nelson, co-founder of Ticketmaster, tells the participants of the American Leadership Academy "I need people for my company. I don't need you."
Sounds callous, doesn't it?
So, what does all of this mean? In this lonely world of ours, make sure you hold on to the connections you have. Do more to develop new contacts. Network, network, network! Even if you are the smartest man (or woman) in the room, in the company, in the world; unless you have personal relationships built, your advice is going to fall into the spam folder of the minds of the people you meet unless you give them a reason to care. That said, one of the biggest reasons to care, is you.
So, I promised you that I would tell you how I pack and how it reflects a little of the lonesome nature of this job? Well, here it is.
1 Suitcase:
*7 polo shirts (one for each day of the week), remember these will be repeated over and over again. I can go a month with 7, but you generally don't want to be caught wearing the same shirt twice during a 3 day chapter visit
*2 pairs of slacks
*1 pair of jeans
*1 pair of shorts
*Underwear and socks to fit [Never skimp here, there's nothing worse then dirty undergarments, just ask Forrest Gump about wet socks]
1 Laptop Bag:
*Essential electronic items [charger for laptop, ipod cord, cell phone charger, etc.]
*Note Pad [preferably spiral, so I don't lose pages when I pack it tight]
*Fraternal Documentation [Risk Management Forms, Accredidation forms, contact info sheets
*1 Book [Currently the Everything Guide to Leadership]
Sleeping Bag
*For those chapter houses that just aren't really habitable...
Pillow
Backpack
*For when I may want to take a day trip somewhere.
That's the sum of my total posessions for three months out of each semester. That, and the friends I meet at each chapter and those in my phone book, and on facebook. Those friends are perhaps my greatest asset, be they from my undergraduate days or as a professional contact. They are the ones who help me out while I'm on the road, helping me stay sane. These friends are certainly my most precious resource. More than all the rest of my meager supplies that carry me from one truck stop to the next.
It's very easy to lose sight of all of that, however, when your next destination is some 300 miles from nowhere.
So, the question I want to pose you is...
What's in your backpack?
The movie follows the life of professional bad news bearer Ryan Bingham (George Clooney) who travels the country firing people for companies that don't have the taste to do it themselves (even though they signed the paperwork.) Along the way, he promotes his own life lessons workshop called "What's in your backpack." As a man who travels essentially alone for most of the year, he is a major advocate of keeping relatively loose ties with everyone around him. "Long distance friends," he callously cautions, "only adds to your backpack and weighs you down. Move to your own rythym, your own goals."
His attitudes reflect those of another famous hollywood traveler, The Narrator (played by Edward Norton) from the Fight Club, who claims that he has many friends, but like the portion sizes of the items on the airplanes he travels in, they are "one shot" friends.
[For more information on both movies, please watch them or, barring that, IMDB them.]
In many ways, both of these characters hew closely to the lifestyle of a professional Fraternity / Sorority consultant. Especially for the Sorority (and some Fraternity) consultants who travel by air.
But in many ways too, this solitary existance runs counter to our very nature to be social and to bond. Phired Up Productions calls our desires to excel, to network, to make friends, "Social Excellence." They talk about working conferences, developing networks, and mutually supporting each other by having deep and meaningful conversations that rebuild, re-energize, and repopulate our will to make a difference. The philosophy is so prevelant that Google search auto-populates "Phired Up Social Excellence" as a third option when you begin typing it. Other books, including wildly sucessful networking guides such as Keith Ferrazzi's "Never Eat Alone" and Dale Carnegie's "How to Influence People and Make Friends" are also huge advocates of embracing, rather than rejecting, human connections.
For those of you who are in the field of working with undergraduates, I cannot over-state the importance of this lesson. If you want to make a difference with the people you work with, help them care with you. There is no greater joy, in my mind, then sitting with an officer or regular member, and watching them as they come to their own conclusions. I may, as "the expert" have a million ideas, but unless they take ownerhsip over them, then I'm just blowing hot air.
Remember folks, in this world, it isn't what you know anymore, it's who you know. This will be especially important as the economy continues to struggle with unemployment hovering at 10%. There are many qualified people out and about. People with experience in your field. Most likely more experience than you. As Jerry Nelson, co-founder of Ticketmaster, tells the participants of the American Leadership Academy "I need people for my company. I don't need you."
Sounds callous, doesn't it?
So, what does all of this mean? In this lonely world of ours, make sure you hold on to the connections you have. Do more to develop new contacts. Network, network, network! Even if you are the smartest man (or woman) in the room, in the company, in the world; unless you have personal relationships built, your advice is going to fall into the spam folder of the minds of the people you meet unless you give them a reason to care. That said, one of the biggest reasons to care, is you.
So, I promised you that I would tell you how I pack and how it reflects a little of the lonesome nature of this job? Well, here it is.
1 Suitcase:
*7 polo shirts (one for each day of the week), remember these will be repeated over and over again. I can go a month with 7, but you generally don't want to be caught wearing the same shirt twice during a 3 day chapter visit
*2 pairs of slacks
*1 pair of jeans
*1 pair of shorts
*Underwear and socks to fit [Never skimp here, there's nothing worse then dirty undergarments, just ask Forrest Gump about wet socks]
1 Laptop Bag:
*Essential electronic items [charger for laptop, ipod cord, cell phone charger, etc.]
*Note Pad [preferably spiral, so I don't lose pages when I pack it tight]
*Fraternal Documentation [Risk Management Forms, Accredidation forms, contact info sheets
*1 Book [Currently the Everything Guide to Leadership]
Sleeping Bag
*For those chapter houses that just aren't really habitable...
Pillow
Backpack
*For when I may want to take a day trip somewhere.
That's the sum of my total posessions for three months out of each semester. That, and the friends I meet at each chapter and those in my phone book, and on facebook. Those friends are perhaps my greatest asset, be they from my undergraduate days or as a professional contact. They are the ones who help me out while I'm on the road, helping me stay sane. These friends are certainly my most precious resource. More than all the rest of my meager supplies that carry me from one truck stop to the next.
It's very easy to lose sight of all of that, however, when your next destination is some 300 miles from nowhere.
So, the question I want to pose you is...
What's in your backpack?
Friday, August 20, 2010
By Way of Introduction
I suppose I should introduce myself.
For the past 23 some odd years, I have always believed that I was the smartest guy in the room.
Boy, was I wrong.
This is my second year as a traveling consultant for a national mid size fraternity. Over the course of the year, I put in almost 30,000 miles traveling and have been in 30 out of 50 states. I have visited chaptes varying size from 10 to 120 on campuses that top division 1 NCAA athletics down to the smallest of liberal arts schools. As I have struggled through a wide array of situations and experiences that perhaps it was time to jot down some (I would hope) nuggets of wisdom.
The first of which is - There is a lot that you don't know that you don't know.
It was my junior year of college when I first heard of this concept told to me explicitly. It was in a diversity seminar when talking about cultural assuptions that the facilitators drew a big circle on the board and carved out a tiny sliver.
"This 10%," they told the group "is the sum total of knowledge that you know." Such information includes 2 + 2 equals 4, the sky is blue (in most parts of the country, although during the wildfire seasons in California, sometimes I doubt it...), and my bank account is really, REALLY, empty at the moment. This is the section I always thought I was in. I felt like I knew a heck of a lot of things.
"This 20%," they said afterward, carving a slightly bigger portion out of the circle, "are things you know that you don't know." Such as the chemical reactions that occur during a shuttle launch, non-euclydian geometry, particle physics, and for the most part, statistics. This is where I am now, I know there are things I will need to ask others for help to explain. This is why I love wikipedia.
"The remainder," they said, pointing to the vast blank section of the circle, "is all of the information you don't know that you don't know." Like why car tires insist on going flat ONLY in the most rural roads of Pennsylvania and that a keg stand is the only true way of testing a man's character (for you attorney folk and otherwise litigiously inclined, please relax, I'm only being facetious.)
So what do I do? I try to fill in the remainder of that 70% of knowledge. I am a professional student. I question the status quo. I am an adventurer.
While I may be a truly narcissistic individual, I hope that this blog will not be. I invite you to comment, critique, and challenge my thought processes and theories. I will occassionaly talk about Fraternity and Sorority problems in specific, but I will try to link it to the greater mission of learning about things we don't know that we don't know, through the adventure that is life through a lense of educational theory, entrepenuerial spirit, and the tool set provided by Fraternity and Sorority Life.
For the past 23 some odd years, I have always believed that I was the smartest guy in the room.
Boy, was I wrong.
This is my second year as a traveling consultant for a national mid size fraternity. Over the course of the year, I put in almost 30,000 miles traveling and have been in 30 out of 50 states. I have visited chaptes varying size from 10 to 120 on campuses that top division 1 NCAA athletics down to the smallest of liberal arts schools. As I have struggled through a wide array of situations and experiences that perhaps it was time to jot down some (I would hope) nuggets of wisdom.
The first of which is - There is a lot that you don't know that you don't know.
It was my junior year of college when I first heard of this concept told to me explicitly. It was in a diversity seminar when talking about cultural assuptions that the facilitators drew a big circle on the board and carved out a tiny sliver.
"This 10%," they told the group "is the sum total of knowledge that you know." Such information includes 2 + 2 equals 4, the sky is blue (in most parts of the country, although during the wildfire seasons in California, sometimes I doubt it...), and my bank account is really, REALLY, empty at the moment. This is the section I always thought I was in. I felt like I knew a heck of a lot of things.
"This 20%," they said afterward, carving a slightly bigger portion out of the circle, "are things you know that you don't know." Such as the chemical reactions that occur during a shuttle launch, non-euclydian geometry, particle physics, and for the most part, statistics. This is where I am now, I know there are things I will need to ask others for help to explain. This is why I love wikipedia.
"The remainder," they said, pointing to the vast blank section of the circle, "is all of the information you don't know that you don't know." Like why car tires insist on going flat ONLY in the most rural roads of Pennsylvania and that a keg stand is the only true way of testing a man's character (for you attorney folk and otherwise litigiously inclined, please relax, I'm only being facetious.)
So what do I do? I try to fill in the remainder of that 70% of knowledge. I am a professional student. I question the status quo. I am an adventurer.
While I may be a truly narcissistic individual, I hope that this blog will not be. I invite you to comment, critique, and challenge my thought processes and theories. I will occassionaly talk about Fraternity and Sorority problems in specific, but I will try to link it to the greater mission of learning about things we don't know that we don't know, through the adventure that is life through a lense of educational theory, entrepenuerial spirit, and the tool set provided by Fraternity and Sorority Life.
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