I am working on a project at the University of Iowa regarding violence prevetion. It is a peer mentorship model that takes a small number of members from a particular group and fosters an environment where the participants feel comfortable opening up on a number of very controversial issues regarding masculinity, violence, sexual assault, and overall responsibility for prevention.
Almost to the individual, every member of my groups came to me saying that they considered themselves to be a "good guy" and that the behaviors we were talking about did not apply to them or their friends.
This may be an overgeneralization, but research suggests that many people would consider themselves similar "good guys." Good guys don't get violent, good guys don't abuse and exploit their friends, good guys are leaders, and good guys protect others. Certainly not all guys are blind to issues of violence, sexual assault, racism, sexism, and homophobia and other pressing issues of campus safety and respect.
And yet men as a whole are significantly more likely to be arrested or cited for an alcohol related incidents including driving under the influence. 90% or more of perpetrators of rape are men. 52% of relationships in college see some form of stalking or other forms of intimate partner violence at least once DURING COLLEGE though many are loath to admit it! In fact, partner violence, specifically sexual assault and stalking are the top crimes facing men and women between the ages of 18 - 25 according to the Department of Justice.
So where are the good men? If they are not doing these actions, then what are they doing while these acts of violence is occuring? How are they promoting or condemining these actions in word and deed? If we call ourselves leaders, do we condemn these actions in deeds? Do we glorify the proto-behaviors behind close doors? How do we react when we are confronted by behavior we feel to be inappropriate?
"It's not my problem." One student reported. Another said that he feared reprocussions towards getting involved in his friend's personal life. "If I see it, I would stop it," a third student reported. But he just doesn't see it.
These responses are not uncommon, especially amongst self-identified "Good Men." Heck, I considered my self to be a good man for the longest time! The problem is that if it were up to the victim, we would not have these problems. Good men, I would argue, need to be more aware of their surroundings and know that if they are to truly be a good men, then they need to speak up and speak out about the risks facing college students of ALL GENDERS on campuses.
The problem is that silence only abets the problems facing college campuses. Many perpetrators feel empowered to continue their behavior unless otherwise confronted by their peers. This is compounded by how the victim feels, both isolated and hurt as target. In an effort to be cool and "keep chill" amongst someone's friends, many good men say nothing. Whether they are uncomfortable, been taught to be ok with certain behaviors or jokes, or are just scared to speak up to those they otherwise respect, good men are silenced by perpetrators. But hey....words are just words right?
As Marting Luther King Jr. said, "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in the moments of comfort and conveneience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
If you are looking for more information about violence on college campuses, please read the University of Iowa's Men's Anti-Violence Council blog.
So...where do you stand?
